Post by tomtom on Jul 15, 2011 22:39:08 GMT -5
Sounds like Rodney Dangerfield!
* My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night, she used me to time an egg.
* It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
* Last night, my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. Trouble was, she was coming home.
* A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
* A hooker once told me she had a headache.
* I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
* If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
* I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'
* I knew a girl so ugly, she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.
* I knew a girl so ugly..... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
* My wife is such a bad cook; if we leave dental floss in the kitchen, the roaches hang themselves.
* I'm so ugly, I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
* The other day, I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
* My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
* I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on, I can hear the Fruit-of -the-Loom guys giggling.
* My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
* My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.
* My family was so poor that, if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
* My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night, she used me to time an egg.
* It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass!
* Last night, my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. Trouble was, she was coming home.
* A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home!
* A hooker once told me she had a headache.
* I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.
* If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
* I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, 'Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate myself now.'
* I knew a girl so ugly, she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head comes off.
* I knew a girl so ugly..... they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
* My wife is such a bad cook; if we leave dental floss in the kitchen, the roaches hang themselves.
* I'm so ugly, I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.
* The other day, I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
* My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.
* I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on, I can hear the Fruit-of -the-Loom guys giggling.
* My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.
* My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex. She called me from Chicago last night.
* My family was so poor that, if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't have had anything to play with.
